Addicted to Sleepovers™ Recovery Program

"Hi, my name is Tyler, and I haven't slept in my own bed in 23 days."

(group, in unison) "Hi, Tyler."

Warning Signs

Owns a toothbrush at three different houses
Refers to another family's dog as "our dog"
Texts "staying at Jordan's" before school even ends
Sleeping bag hasn't been fully unrolled in months
Knows another family's Wi-Fi password by heart

The 12 Steps

Admit your own bed is fine, actually.

Recognize that your house also has snacks.

Make a list of houses you've crashed at and thank them.

Wash the sleeping bag.

Eat one (1) family dinner, phone face-down.

Acknowledge your parents are "not that embarrassing."

Sleep at home on a Friday. Survive.

Return the borrowed pajamas.

Make amends to your little brother you abandoned.

Unpack the overnight bag fully.

Host a sleepover. Feel the cycle.

Carry this message to other teens (they won't listen).

The Host Parents' Side

We love your kid. Truly. But we have now purchased a fourth pillow, learned their cereal preferences, and they've started calling our fridge "the usual." Our grocery bill has developed a sixth person. Please, come visit. Bring them home. Bring cereal.